Hilarious Halfling Dream
I had a great dream this morning. I dreamed of what LoTR would have been like if hobbits had been ... a little different.
Harder. Hungrier. Meaner. Mouths that open a little too wide, to reveal bright rows of sharp little needle teeth.
I imagined the scenes in the Shire when the Nazgul arrive, looking for a Baggins. Not long after they attacked empty beds in Bree, they all come out of the Prancing Pony, and look at the empty street.
Nazgul 1: "Hey, wait - didn't we have horses tethered here?'
Nazgul 2: "Hey look. Their harnesses are still attached to the posts."
*disturbing chittering laughter from the rooftops*
Nazgul 3: "What now?"
Nazgul 1: "I guess we walk."
[later, after going through the woods for a bit]
Nazgul 2: "Well, that was a disappointment. They were so close and all, and to have lost them at the ferry like that. So tiresome."
Nazgul 9: "Let's go. The nearest bridge is twenty miles away."
Nazgul 6: "TWENTY MILES? My boots are already killing me!"
Nazgul 8: "Hey, aren't there supposed to be nine of us? I only count eight. Where's the Witch King of Angmar?"
Nazgul 4: "Oh, he'll be all right. No living man can kill him."
Nazgul 5, 6 and 7: "Hobbits aren't men."
Nazgul 3: "Wait. There are only seven of us now."
The remaining Nazgul (looking up into the forest canopy): "Oh, shit."
*disturbing chittering laughter from the higher branches of the trees ...*
Harder. Hungrier. Meaner. Mouths that open a little too wide, to reveal bright rows of sharp little needle teeth.
I imagined the scenes in the Shire when the Nazgul arrive, looking for a Baggins. Not long after they attacked empty beds in Bree, they all come out of the Prancing Pony, and look at the empty street.
Nazgul 1: "Hey, wait - didn't we have horses tethered here?'
Nazgul 2: "Hey look. Their harnesses are still attached to the posts."
*disturbing chittering laughter from the rooftops*
Nazgul 3: "What now?"
Nazgul 1: "I guess we walk."
[later, after going through the woods for a bit]
Nazgul 2: "Well, that was a disappointment. They were so close and all, and to have lost them at the ferry like that. So tiresome."
Nazgul 9: "Let's go. The nearest bridge is twenty miles away."
Nazgul 6: "TWENTY MILES? My boots are already killing me!"
Nazgul 8: "Hey, aren't there supposed to be nine of us? I only count eight. Where's the Witch King of Angmar?"
Nazgul 4: "Oh, he'll be all right. No living man can kill him."
Nazgul 5, 6 and 7: "Hobbits aren't men."
Nazgul 3: "Wait. There are only seven of us now."
The remaining Nazgul (looking up into the forest canopy): "Oh, shit."
*disturbing chittering laughter from the higher branches of the trees ...*