Liverpool

Off today. Going to collect a book. No camera. *sigh* Hurts like bloody hell.

I'm also troubled and pained by something else, too, but I'm not going to discuss it publicly here. All I will tell you is that I am troubled and pained, and there is nothing I can do about that, either.

I Get So Tired Sometimes

There are days when I find myself on top of the mountain. And then there are days when, whatever I do, it's wrong to somebody, and I can't seem to get through to their heads that it's not wrong: it's different.

In Liverpool Central railway station I noticed a tall man in a shiny black suit, short hair slicked back, face like the actor Peter Serafinowicz, or like that manager from my last place of employment. He was selling something to some poor old woman.

I felt a distinct sense of not wanting to go near him, not because of who he was but because I would have been wasting his time. He was selling Sky TV subscription services.

Anyway, on my way up Bold Street I felt something amiss. I'd just had another argument with someone the night before. I wanted to send that person a reassuring text. I went into Waterstone's looking for books. I was in Liverpool for my copy of Requiem for Rome, and so I was there with a purpose. Outside Waterstone's, I decided I'd also buy this book as well. I hoped the news would be received well by the person with whom I'd had the argument.

As it was, I have a feeling it made very little difference.

And now it turns out that two other people have become involved in an argument about me. And I'm not even there to argue my corner.

No, the man in the shiny suit had nothing to do with it. It's just that it was the second magpie I saw today.

I get so tired sometimes.

Birds Having Sex

The other morning, coming out of my flat, I saw two magpies in the tree outside, clearly having sex.

Today, on the way home, I saw two pigeons in the rafters of Chester railway station. There was some billing and cooing, and all of a sudden the male was on top of the female, his wings flapping, clearly having the better time while she just lay there looking bored.

So there you have it. I am surrounded these days by displays of feathered shagging.

Horoscope for Today

Your imagination might be conjuring up stories or pictures that you may want to memorialize through writing or painting, but a lack of self-confidence might discourage you. However, dear Cancer, it's probably a good idea to do it anyway, even if you're aware you're not Dickens or Van Gogh. These ideas come from deep within you, and giving them form could represent release from old traumas. Keep it hidden in a closet if you don't like it.

Righty oh, then.

Because Some Of You Are Desperate To Know ...

... myself among them:-

The Offside Rule and Offside Trap in Football(Soccer)

It is not an offence in itself to be in an offside position.

A player is in an offside position if:

* he is nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent

A player is not in an offside position if:

* he is in his own half of the field of play
* he is level with the second last opponent
* he is level with the last two opponents

Commiting an Offside Offence
A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of the referee, involved in active play by:

* interfering with play
* interfering with an opponent
* gaining an advantage by being in that position

No Offence
There is no offside offence if a player receives the ball directly from:

* a goal kick
* a throw-in
* a corner kick

Infringements/Sanctions

For any offside offence, the referee awards an indirect free kick to the opposing team to be taken from the place where the infringement occurred.



This is offside because the red number 10 is in front of all of the defenders, leaving only the goalkeeper back which isn't enough players to play him onside. This position may have been forced by the defenders moving forward in what is called the offside trap.



Here we can see that the blue number 3 defender has failed to move up the field with the rest of his defence and played the red number 9 onside. This is a classic example of where the offside trap fails:-



The offside rule exists to stop goal hanging, where a player stands next to the opposing teams goal keeper in the hope that someone can get the ball to him (probably using a long ball), so he can get it past the goal keeper. Which would make for a very boring game.



The red number 9 isn't beyond the blue 4 defender but is offside because the goal keeper isn't back. This is one of those rare occasions where goal keeper is out of the goal (e.g. last minute of F.A. Cup final on a corner kick) and can't get back in time but if the attacking team play the ball as they normally would, then it would be offside because the offside rule requires two defenders to be in front the attacker and the goal keeper usually counts as a defender.



Why are linesmen (assistant referees) always calling offside when it isn't? Well believe it or not its not really their fault (unless the decision goes against you or your team), it's all to do with angles and line of sight. In the picture the purple line represents the linesman's line of sight which as you can see is at a slight angle, this line should be parallel with the goal line. So even though the red number 10 is being played onside by the blue defender it will be called offside. This is unfortunate but does happen from time to time.

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I only add this because I've seen a hilarious short film in which people are exposed as aliens simply because they do not know what the Offside Rule is.

I present this to all my fellow mutants, aliens and freaks as a useful key to defeat that particular shibboleth. Don't let them catch you with your trousers down!

Unless they put out for dinner beforehand, at least, that is ...