fiat_knox | Today's 'Scope

For those of us who know the real you, it is frustrating to see your lack of confidence, dear Cancer. The range of your talents and abilities is startling to the rest of us mere mortals, yet you rarely give yourself credit for all that you are capable of. Today, you are given an opportunity to participate in a project that could make or break your career. Don't hesitate out of fear that your capabilities aren't up to the task. Have confidence in yourself and jump in with both feet! Not only can you do this, you can do it better than anyone else. Get over yourself and accept the challenge, for goodness sake.

Well, accordingly, I have now created a new CV for myself. Prospective employers who wish to see it may request a copy of my CV here.

Bear in mind the following:-

Skills: I may be bright and inventive, possibly the brightest thing you will ever see ... but I don't drive. Never have done. I've never even had a driver's license.

Personality: I'm a NSFW mind in a SFW body. I work enthusiastically during the day, and at night I dream of the collapse of civilisation.

Baggage: You employ me, you employ my warlockry, weirdness and general strangeness. You want me; you take me, pentacle rings and churinga amulet around my neck and steel chain belt with eleven links free and all.

Money: You can afford me. So don't be stingy. If you're worried about the credit crunch, at least take on someone who knows his stuff. With a good enough rep, you never know: my presence alone might bring in a refreshing new slew of bright eyed customers, all eager to part with their readies for you.

Modesty: I threw it out in the trash this morning.

Anything else, just call me.