Which Movies? [NSFW discussion]
Jul. 11th, 2010 02:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fiat_knoxA recent question on Writers' Block Unplugged asked "If you could take one movie.. ANY MOVIE!... and turn it in to a porn while keeping the same actors, story line, and theme, what movie would you choose?"
I actually thought that, rather than calling a movie a p0rn0, it could instead just slowly become eroticised; that a given movie would, inexplicably, turn into erotic situations. A meeting between the characters in the original movie just seems to warp from conversation to copulation; a scene that you knew was innocent in the original film turns into one of full frontal nudity and body-touching passion.
Imagine stepping into a universe where the movies you knew all had these kinds of erotic scenes, if only because society required them in every film.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture. For that long, slow drive through the cloud, all those pretty pictures on the screen and sod all going on. Hell of a time for Spock to go all Pon Farr and Lt Ilia to say goodbye to her Oath of Celibacy ...
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. Another Spock Pon Farr scene, but this time with Robin Curtis. More of the same in Star Trek IV. Whatever happened to Saavik II, I wonder?
The latest Star Trek film. Zoe Saldana's Uhura and Zachary Quinto's Spock. That green skinned Orion slave girl and Uhura ... and Spock. Epic win.
Serenity. Inara, Kaylee, Zoe. River Tam's too busy b0rking people to do the nasty - and besides, while seventeen's legal over here in Blighty and most of Europe, she's still a child to some of you Usarians. So keep her out of it, except for giving her some bladed weapons and tell her to go and play a game of Dances With Reavers, while the rest go and play Dances with Beavers. Alternatively, screw it. She's legal over here in the UK too. River's not immune. Let her have as much fun as all the others.
Avatar. That's the only way I think I could watch this turkey.
LoTR: all three movies. Oh, Rosie Cotton, Aragorn's thing must seem like a fucking canoe to you ...
Transformers 2: ROTF. Megan Fox finally gets to play to her strength. She doesn't even have to pretend to be doing serious acting any more.
The Star Wars prequels. Natalie Portman. Nuff said.
V For Vendetta. Natalie Portman. NUFF SAID.
The Fifth Element.
Nikita (the original Luc Besson).
Leon (another Luc Besson).
The Matrix (particularly Reloaded and Revolutions, just for the sight of Monica Bellucci and Carrie-Ann Moss going at it).
The Incredibles. Mister Incredible on his back, being ridden by a very accommodating naked Elastigirl, as Mirage, clad only in liquid latex, stands back, gently masturbating, smoking a cigarette in a long holder and taping the ongoing shagging on a video camera.
Groundhog Day. Have Bill Murray's and Andie McDowell's characters end up bonking each other endlessly in different places - in public, in a hotel lobby, everywhere.
Mary Poppins. Just because the mere thought of it fucks with people's minds.
Contact.
Trading Places.
Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2.
Stargate.
The Labyrinth.
Pan's Labyrinth.
Blade Runner.
And while I like the idea of a movie unexpectedly coming up with an erotic scene or two in it (e.g. the scene in Star Trek IV where Uhura questions the motorcycle cop and instead of answering, he and she suddenly get naked and do each other while Chekov starts banging "Alameda Girl") there is one movie I would like to see made over with more erotic content and one small cast change.
Just one.
Secretary, starring Maggie Gyllenhall. The one where the girl gets into all sorts of crazy erotic shenanigans with her boss. I'd like to see that one redone with more overt copulation.
And the cast change? Remember, I love messing with people's heads. I'd only want to change one cast member.
Out goes James Spader as Maggie Gyllenhaal's boss.
And he would be replaced ... by Jake Gyllenhaal. Maggie's brother.
That grinding sound you are hearing is the sound of your heads being messed with. >:)
I actually thought that, rather than calling a movie a p0rn0, it could instead just slowly become eroticised; that a given movie would, inexplicably, turn into erotic situations. A meeting between the characters in the original movie just seems to warp from conversation to copulation; a scene that you knew was innocent in the original film turns into one of full frontal nudity and body-touching passion.
Imagine stepping into a universe where the movies you knew all had these kinds of erotic scenes, if only because society required them in every film.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture. For that long, slow drive through the cloud, all those pretty pictures on the screen and sod all going on. Hell of a time for Spock to go all Pon Farr and Lt Ilia to say goodbye to her Oath of Celibacy ...
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. Another Spock Pon Farr scene, but this time with Robin Curtis. More of the same in Star Trek IV. Whatever happened to Saavik II, I wonder?
The latest Star Trek film. Zoe Saldana's Uhura and Zachary Quinto's Spock. That green skinned Orion slave girl and Uhura ... and Spock. Epic win.
Serenity. Inara, Kaylee, Zoe. River Tam's too busy b0rking people to do the nasty - and besides, while seventeen's legal over here in Blighty and most of Europe, she's still a child to some of you Usarians. So keep her out of it, except for giving her some bladed weapons and tell her to go and play a game of Dances With Reavers, while the rest go and play Dances with Beavers. Alternatively, screw it. She's legal over here in the UK too. River's not immune. Let her have as much fun as all the others.
Avatar. That's the only way I think I could watch this turkey.
LoTR: all three movies. Oh, Rosie Cotton, Aragorn's thing must seem like a fucking canoe to you ...
Transformers 2: ROTF. Megan Fox finally gets to play to her strength. She doesn't even have to pretend to be doing serious acting any more.
The Star Wars prequels. Natalie Portman. Nuff said.
V For Vendetta. Natalie Portman. NUFF SAID.
The Fifth Element.
Nikita (the original Luc Besson).
Leon (another Luc Besson).
The Matrix (particularly Reloaded and Revolutions, just for the sight of Monica Bellucci and Carrie-Ann Moss going at it).
The Incredibles. Mister Incredible on his back, being ridden by a very accommodating naked Elastigirl, as Mirage, clad only in liquid latex, stands back, gently masturbating, smoking a cigarette in a long holder and taping the ongoing shagging on a video camera.
Groundhog Day. Have Bill Murray's and Andie McDowell's characters end up bonking each other endlessly in different places - in public, in a hotel lobby, everywhere.
Mary Poppins. Just because the mere thought of it fucks with people's minds.
Contact.
Trading Places.
Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2.
Stargate.
The Labyrinth.
Pan's Labyrinth.
Blade Runner.
And while I like the idea of a movie unexpectedly coming up with an erotic scene or two in it (e.g. the scene in Star Trek IV where Uhura questions the motorcycle cop and instead of answering, he and she suddenly get naked and do each other while Chekov starts banging "Alameda Girl") there is one movie I would like to see made over with more erotic content and one small cast change.
Just one.
Secretary, starring Maggie Gyllenhall. The one where the girl gets into all sorts of crazy erotic shenanigans with her boss. I'd like to see that one redone with more overt copulation.
And the cast change? Remember, I love messing with people's heads. I'd only want to change one cast member.
Out goes James Spader as Maggie Gyllenhaal's boss.
And he would be replaced ... by Jake Gyllenhaal. Maggie's brother.
That grinding sound you are hearing is the sound of your heads being messed with. >:)
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 07:56 pm (UTC)I was going to comment and say leave Inara out of everything because the character's snide and arrogant and a spoiled little brat. Then I came across that comment and I'd say the same thing about any character Monica Bellucci's played. In general, cannot stand her.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:03 pm (UTC)I left out the Harry Potter and X Men movie references, by the way, deliberately so. It's to allow someone else to talk about the slashy potential of those movies ... :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:33 pm (UTC)For the record, I love Chocolat too. I even bought the book. Ironic, n'est-ce pas, that I like Patrick Susskind;s Perfume even though I have no sense of smell, and I like Chocolat even though I have an allergy to the sweet.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:44 pm (UTC)In your fantasies, get Johnny waxed first. Otherwise, go for it. ;o)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-11 08:46 pm (UTC)Besides, I've got a new celebrity crush to play around with fantasizing about.