Downswing

I feel like utter shite again tonight.

I can't shake off the feeling that I'm missing something; that, somehow, I've made a mistake that even now lies uncorrected somewhere.

There are whole weeks when I feel that I've pissed off someone, only I have no idea whom. I can't even say sorry, because I have no idea to whom I should speak.

I feel like I've lost something, and I'm the only one who lost it. Not stolen, just left behind somewhere. Like that time when I lost my camera, only that was real.

You'll all have to excuse me if I don't post too frequently for a time. Only when I feel like saying something.

Last night was bad ...

All I wanted to do last night was just curl up in a ball.

I'd just realised that I was now about the same age as poor old John Crichton had been when he died back in 2002, his life totally unfulfilled. Earlier yesterday I'd helped my next door neighbour out - she'd had some sort of a stroke, and she was worse off than I was. It was heartbreaking to see her being so frail, and so afraid. Her kids, now grown ups, had so many more important things to do than to listen to her.

I missed my bus as she talked to me. I deliberately missed my bus (and she didn't notice), so she could talk to me. So that she could have a few minutes of someone to chat to. (Though, truth be told, I didn't actually let is be known that I was almost as much in need of a bit of human conversation as she was).

I'd had a shakeup this last week, and I really wasn't in the best of spirits. Can't say I'm much better, but I've seen some light, and I'm climbing back up again.

Because as much as I need, I'm needed.

Less than an hour to go ...

18:40, Doctor Who, Journey's End. So looking forward to this one.

I chose to stay in town rather than risk heading up to Manchester or Liverpool to pick up a copy of 760 Patrons or The Spinward Marches for Traveller (assuming, of course, they're available).

I didn't want to risk getting stuck, and missing out on this finale. Not tonight, at least.

I need this, just to entertain me. Monday or Tuesday next, I go shopping.

And the weather today has been lovely. Just lovely.

Surprise Last Minute Post

The lyrics go:-

"When dragons belch and hippos flee
My thoughts, Ankh-Morpork, are of thee
Let others boast of martial dash
For we have boldly fought with cash
We own all your helmets, we own all your shoes
We own all your generals - touch us and you'll lose.

Morporkia! Morporkia!
Morporkia owns the day!
We can rule you wholesale
Touch us and you'll pay.

We bankrupt all invaders, we sell them souvenirs
We ner ner ner ner ner, hner ner hner by the ears
Er hner we ner ner ner ner ner
Ner ner her ner ner ner hner the ner
Er ner ner hner ner, nher hner ner ner (etc.)
Ner hner ner, your gleaming swords
We mortgaged to the hilt

Morporkia! Morporkia!
Hner ner ner ner ner ner
We can rule you wholesale
Credit where it's due."

Link supplied by an old friend, N Stapley, Esq..

Doctor Who Finale

No spoilers here. Not for a good while, anyway, just to give people time to catch up - e.g. on BBC iPlayer or on BBC Three.

But what did everyone who's seen it think? Good, not so good, brilliant or fish? Comments will be screened.

And did I mention - no spoilers here?

Oh, and one thing.

I can start believing again. :)

WTF?

Today's Stars:-

Ironically enough, your creative flair for joking and laughter may have succeeded in pushing people away from you instead of drawing people towards you, dear Cancer. It could be that you have made negative, off-the-cuff comments that you thought nothing of at the time, yet others have taken them quite seriously. You might want to be more aware of this tendency so that you don't end up outwardly offending the people around you.

Writer's Block: The Best Thing You've Done

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Oh, that is a good one. And just the thing, really, because I really need to focus on the good things in my life right now.

Erm, when I was a kid, I was the last kid to be asked by the teacher to spell the word "tongue." The reason I was last picked was because the teacher was an utter bastard. He's likely dead now. Dead, and perhaps in Hell. Who cares.

Also, the reason why I was last picked was because, every ... single ... time ... the kid the teacher picked got the spelling wrong.

That was good.

Getting my degree, a long time later - that was good, too.

Meeting nyghtshayde, with whom I am currently chatting online as I type this.

Meeting, and falling in love with, naaila. Note - I haven't fallen out of love with her. We're just no longer dating, is all. She is free. Nonetheless, I still love her so much.

Getting into roleplaying games. Getting into Traveller. Getting into Discordianism. Embracing my blood heritage as a Proffwyd.

Learning tlhIngan Hol. Learning Esperanto. Learning other languages. French and Latin especially. I love those languages. Spanish and Portuguese, too. Oh, and Japanese.

Befriending lady_gaslight.

Befriending jesshartley.

Associating with everyone on my f'list.

Still being able to work out mental maths in my head. Numbers are fun. Hells, even getting them wrong is fun because it means you need to sharpen up.

Coming up with what I did for Dogs of War, Hunter: the Vigil and ... that other book.

Meeting and befriending renfield286 about ten years or so back.

Being present when my nephew was born.

Getting online, and carving out a presence here.

Conventioneering.

Appearing on TV.

Writing.

Having people here and in the Matrix to love.

And loving them, without asking to be loved in turn.

Those are all the things I can think of right at this moment. My fingers are flying across the keyboard - depression may hold back a lot of things, but most emphatically not my typing speed. :)

Doctor Who Question

... no, not from this week's episode. Two weeks ago, the episode "Turn Left."

Shan Shen Street.

It looked like Persephone.

Did the Doctor just drop by Gorram Persephone? :D