Anniversary
Jan. 24th, 2012 05:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fiat_knoxMy brother died one year ago, this day.
Yesterday, on the eve of this grim anniversary, I received a barracking from someone from the staff at the museum. Something about getting too familiar with the staff, hanging around in front too long, whatever.
I responded immediately, by going into the staff kitchen and striking my name off almost every duty shift I'd previously signed up for. Just two shifts next month, on the 10th and the 24th. All the other duty shifts, erased. I even cancelled this Friday's shift, too.
They expect me to commit to a minimum of one hour per month. I'll give them two hours a month from now, and if they give me grief again I'll halve that - and even leave the volunteer service if it warrants it.
They did not force a gun to me head to do this. I came to them. And I can decide to live a life without them too, if I so choose. It's not up to them at all.
And so to today.
I told Mum and Dad that they could come along and hold a little memorial thing in the flat, if they wish. I was on the verge of going out for the afternoon to go and get some cash in and do some shopping when the phone rang. The folks. They wanted to drop by at half four. So I made my plans accordingly.
They came in an hour early. I had to drop my plans, and meet them in town. No cash out of the ATM, no biscuits for the folks. No cash for the damned ticket tomorrow either.
Still, anyway they came to my place, and we all had a bit of a chat about Sean, and the day he died one year ago.
I find myself thinking a lot about my brother - a lot more now than while he still lived. I miss him, a lot, and I wish he had not died when he had.
But as I pointed out to Mum, alive he caused all manner of trouble. But now, here, dead, vulnerable, I can keep him safe from any further harm.
And he behaves a lot better now too.
Missing you, Sean. Missing you so much.
Yesterday, on the eve of this grim anniversary, I received a barracking from someone from the staff at the museum. Something about getting too familiar with the staff, hanging around in front too long, whatever.
I responded immediately, by going into the staff kitchen and striking my name off almost every duty shift I'd previously signed up for. Just two shifts next month, on the 10th and the 24th. All the other duty shifts, erased. I even cancelled this Friday's shift, too.
They expect me to commit to a minimum of one hour per month. I'll give them two hours a month from now, and if they give me grief again I'll halve that - and even leave the volunteer service if it warrants it.
They did not force a gun to me head to do this. I came to them. And I can decide to live a life without them too, if I so choose. It's not up to them at all.
And so to today.
I told Mum and Dad that they could come along and hold a little memorial thing in the flat, if they wish. I was on the verge of going out for the afternoon to go and get some cash in and do some shopping when the phone rang. The folks. They wanted to drop by at half four. So I made my plans accordingly.
They came in an hour early. I had to drop my plans, and meet them in town. No cash out of the ATM, no biscuits for the folks. No cash for the damned ticket tomorrow either.
Still, anyway they came to my place, and we all had a bit of a chat about Sean, and the day he died one year ago.
I find myself thinking a lot about my brother - a lot more now than while he still lived. I miss him, a lot, and I wish he had not died when he had.
But as I pointed out to Mum, alive he caused all manner of trouble. But now, here, dead, vulnerable, I can keep him safe from any further harm.
And he behaves a lot better now too.
Missing you, Sean. Missing you so much.
