The Plainclothes Clown

... with an Eastern flavour recently crossed my path.

The last one to have such an Eastern flavour was the Hengeyokai Breedbook for Werewolf: the Apocalypse, a book which detailed the Hengeyokai of the Far East.

To anyone familiar with Eastern mythology, hengeyokai are shapeshifters from Japanese mythology - in other words, the werewolves, weretigers, werecats etc. of the East, including such mythical beasts as Tengu ravens and the tricky Kitsune foxes with their many tails.

It was the Hengeyokai book that was the inspiration for my posting with the hand grenades battle manoeuvre, and generally to poke fun at that whole manga scene.

Well, not long afterwards, I bought myself a copy of World of Darkness: Demon Hunter X. If I thought Hengeyokai was bad ...

Last week, an inspiration came to me for a parody of the organisation listed within World of Darkness: Demon Hunter X: a team of dedicated agents known as Strike Force Zero.

As a result, I penned the following spoof article, which had me giggling uncontrollably all night long ...

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A cell of Strike Force Zero prepares to boil a cup of tea

Shiro, the Handsome Leader: Get ready!

All: Strike Force Zero, GO!

Shiro: Kettle!

Tanaka, the Rebel: In position!

Shiro: Water!

Machiko, the Token Female: Pouring! [pours water] Water in place!

Shiro: Tanaka, status!

Tanaka: Containment secure! Kettle is full and ready to activate!

Shiro: Giant, power circuits! Report!

Giant, the Bruiser: Power conduit all clear! Ready to go!

Machiko: Current holding and steady!

Shiro: Psyop, tea status report!

Psyop, the runt (read that again, I SAID RUNT!) with the speech impediment: Reep doo wah b'ding briiiiit -

Tanaka [wry grin]: What - EVER ...

Machiko: All systems reporting ready!

Tanaka: Set!

Shiro: Activating kettle ... NOW!

[Shiro pushes button on side of kettle]

All [to the accompaniment of kata style flourishes in unison]: RAPID! WATER!! BOILAGE!!!

[Optional DVD ending cut from original Japanese anime footage]

[Kettle inexplicably morphs into unstoppable 500 foot Mecha Samurai colossus of metal, steam and plastic that promptly goes on the rampage and trashes half of Tokyo]

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Says it all, doesn't it?