A Personal Facebook Post To God
Aug. 8th, 2012 01:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fiat_knoxBrief explanation - God exists on Facebook.
Not so brief explanation - Go to Facebook, look up "God - Comedian" and like His account.
Here is my introductory post to His Timeline ...
'Hi. You ever get sick of people asking you for next week's lottery numbers and all that stuff? It must get really boring to have people wanting You to come in out of the Machine and give them a life that is not the one You have allocated to them.
'It's always "Me, me, me," isn't it? Even when they add a rider - clever, this - like "I want to win the lottery ... so I can help the orphans," or "... so I can provide for my sainted mother in her dotage (regardless of whether she's still walking about breathing or up there in the Pearly Gates Hotel with You) - they're still thinking "... after I've established my life as a multi-millionaire playboy, that is ... maybe ..."
'I'm not sorry for having my own wants and needs, God, but I do try and achieve them off my own back, for my own ends. Mostly because it pisses off, you know ... Him ... points down beneath my feet but also because it pisses everybody else off too.
'Anyway ... thanks for free will. And the women who've crossed my path have asked me to thank you for the gift of multiple orgasms. And so would I. You did this just for us, without us asking to. How could we have missed that, in our rush to grab things?
'Maybe some time, I could cultivate a desire for a thing - like a bicycle. I know You don't grant things on a whim, because you know, I don't think You work that way. So maybe if I steal a bike and repent my sin of Avarice? Would that work better?
'Oh shit. I just said "piss" twice. Three times. Oh crap, I just said "shit." Oh FUCK I just said "crap" ...'
Not so brief explanation - Go to Facebook, look up "God - Comedian" and like His account.
Here is my introductory post to His Timeline ...
'Hi. You ever get sick of people asking you for next week's lottery numbers and all that stuff? It must get really boring to have people wanting You to come in out of the Machine and give them a life that is not the one You have allocated to them.
'It's always "Me, me, me," isn't it? Even when they add a rider - clever, this - like "I want to win the lottery ... so I can help the orphans," or "... so I can provide for my sainted mother in her dotage (regardless of whether she's still walking about breathing or up there in the Pearly Gates Hotel with You) - they're still thinking "... after I've established my life as a multi-millionaire playboy, that is ... maybe ..."
'I'm not sorry for having my own wants and needs, God, but I do try and achieve them off my own back, for my own ends. Mostly because it pisses off, you know ... Him ... points down beneath my feet but also because it pisses everybody else off too.
'Anyway ... thanks for free will. And the women who've crossed my path have asked me to thank you for the gift of multiple orgasms. And so would I. You did this just for us, without us asking to. How could we have missed that, in our rush to grab things?
'Maybe some time, I could cultivate a desire for a thing - like a bicycle. I know You don't grant things on a whim, because you know, I don't think You work that way. So maybe if I steal a bike and repent my sin of Avarice? Would that work better?
'Oh shit. I just said "piss" twice. Three times. Oh crap, I just said "shit." Oh FUCK I just said "crap" ...'
