Thoughts

Oct. 30th, 2010 11:02 pm
fiat_knox: silhouette of myself taken at sunrise (Default)
[personal profile] fiat_knox
Winter comes fast upon us, and I expect a damned hard winter, and an even harder 2011.

Tonight, the clocks go back as we bid farewell to British Summer Time 2010. We Brits all get an extra hour in bed tonight, and I can't help but wonder whether I ought to get up and use that extra hour to write.

Some Pagan timekeepers have begun Samhain already, measured from the moment of sunset tonight. Most will say that Samhain begins at sunset tomorrow, Sunday, and typically last until the kids go home to bed exhausted from all that trick-or-treating. Cops across Blighty call tomorrow night "Mischief Night," The elderly look upon tomorrow night with dread, out of fear of hordes of trick-or-treaters harassing them all night long.

I use this time for some self-examination. What have I done, what has happened, how I have changed. Have I changed at all?

I think that I have changed. My circumstances have not substantially altered, but I have. For one thing, I no longer really dream of becoming a full-time roleplaying game author. An example: I've had this psion book for Traveller on the boil, now, for months. I don't really think I'll ever finish it. Not after discovering that the information base I'd chosen, Mongoose's Book 4: Psion, lay outside the remit of the terms of the Open Game License.

If I finish it, I will do so using my own material, on my own terms, in my own time, and for my own reasons. Perhaps I can submit it to John Brasier Enterprises. Or perhaps I will leave it in my hard drive where nobody will ever read it.

I have advanced in my story - ironically, by cutting it back to the roots, excising a huge chunk of it as it had started to wander off in the wrong direction for me. I shall need to get printouts done of the story so far, so I can keep track of it and steer it in the right direction again.

I have become more confident in myself, accompanied by a sense of no longer caring whether my outward manifestation of higher intelligence offends people any more. If you don't like the smart me, sitting there in the cafe solving the 4x4x4 Rubik's Revenge for fun, writing my own thing, doing my own thing, reading the books I want to read, you can either adjust to accept me as smarter than you had me as, or ... no, You only have the option of adaptation. I accept everyone around me, with everybody's individuality, faults, foibles and unique blessings. Now accept me in return.

Next year approaches. Samhain rushes upon us. The Veil parts. The dead - and I have mourned the passing of some good people this year - shall soon return to speak to the living.

I think that the dead and I will have a lot of things to talk about. And the changes begun have not stopped coming. I hope that, this time next year, I will talk about my completely changed life - with every change in my life one which I either initiated, or which in some way benefits me or mine.

Let only the good changes in. Keep all the bad changes out, or adapt to render them toothless. That policy works for me. I'll consider it a new year's resolution.

March 2025

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