Why I Can't Get Into Spider-Man
Mar. 18th, 2008 08:42 am(or, for that matter these days, US superhero comics in general)
I can get into the stories of 2000AD. I wish there were fewer violent stories, and more of the cerebral ones, mind you - but strips such as Savage, Judge Dredd and Nikolai Dante all provide many a decent plotline that, while often stretching the bounds of strangeness at times, still feel compelling.
Dredd's got his extended family, including his niece Vienna, and the whole baggage surrounding him being a clone of Judge Fargo, "Father of Justice" and that whole "Class of '79" thing he's got going for him now (him being the last of his generation of old skool Judging and all, and his days now visibly drawing to a close with him actually hitting 71 this year!). His life is one long intertwining story of war, love, loss, betrayal, fratricide and Justice. And it works. I can't wait to see where it will go, and how Dredd's story is going to end - as it will do, one day, with his death at some punk's hands.
Nikolai Dante's just one long, sprawling story of, well, everything Dredd's story is about, only without the Justice because he's a rogue living under the thumb of a cruel Tsar who only just reintroduced slavery to a future Russia. Lurching from one crisis to the next, the "Hero of Rudinshtein" sees nothing but pain and suffering, and in heroic manner he kind of makes sure that the innocents stay out of danger, while those who would violate that innocence get exactly what they deserve. It's old fashioned swashbuckling, Errol Flynn style, only without the homosexuality. And it works. Nikolai's someone you'd want to fight and die alongside, because you know he'd mourn your passing. And when it's his turn, you just know he'll die spectacularly.
Strontium Dog works for me. I love the way they stick together, Johnny Alpha and Wulf Sternhammer - a British mutant and a Viking out of time, bounty hunters across the galaxy. John Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra like to play this story for laughs, coming up with stupid names for the villains, the mutants and the worlds Alpha and Sternhammer visit. But the story works. Both Wulf and Johnny have actually died - but as far as 2000AD's continuity goes, those stories of them dying are actually apocryphal, a telling of their legend. The stories you see in the current 2000AD are the official reality.
And then there's Spider-Man. The clone story. Ben Reilly. Peter Parker. A story told, over and bloody over again. A born loser, a family suffering relentless financial woes and all manner of problems, lurching from one crisis to the next, always always getting stiffed at the end. Loser, loser, loser. I fucking hate this story - not because it never seems to end: they never cut this guy a break, stretching the story past the credibility breaking point to make sure this bum ends up more out of pocket than ever - but because they keep retelling his fucking origins, over and over and over.
I already know how he got his powers. I know he's a geek in a stratified, mechanised microcosmic society echoing the greater society of the USA OF THE 1950S.
But even geeks turn into Bill Gateses. And trust me, this nonce has had a billion opportunities to change his life, walk out of his cloying incestuous relationship with his ageing aunt (fercrissakes, think of "Uncle Ben" as his real Dad, and "Auntie May" as the tart Ben ran off with, leaving his real mother out there. Would you want to stick around then?)
He's had them ... and he's let them go, just because someone wrote a Prime Directive in the character's bible: "THOU SHALT NOT GIVE THIS USELESS MOFO AN EVEN BREAK, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO PULL IN A DEUS EX MACHINA TO STOP HIM ACTUALLY GETTING OUT OF THE SHITHOLE HIS LIFE IS!"
He's a character who never changes, because he was designed not to change. And those few times they did try and change him, it's backfired in a big way on them.
So no. This is why I can never get into Spider-Man. Stan Lee and Steve Ditko should have just stuck to doing what everyone else was doing: writing stories about the hero in a costume just going out and kicking bad guy arse. We don't fucking care about his home life. Far as I'm concerned, the hero shouldn't have a home life.
And certainly not the abusive victim's home life he currently has.
I can get into the stories of 2000AD. I wish there were fewer violent stories, and more of the cerebral ones, mind you - but strips such as Savage, Judge Dredd and Nikolai Dante all provide many a decent plotline that, while often stretching the bounds of strangeness at times, still feel compelling.
Dredd's got his extended family, including his niece Vienna, and the whole baggage surrounding him being a clone of Judge Fargo, "Father of Justice" and that whole "Class of '79" thing he's got going for him now (him being the last of his generation of old skool Judging and all, and his days now visibly drawing to a close with him actually hitting 71 this year!). His life is one long intertwining story of war, love, loss, betrayal, fratricide and Justice. And it works. I can't wait to see where it will go, and how Dredd's story is going to end - as it will do, one day, with his death at some punk's hands.
Nikolai Dante's just one long, sprawling story of, well, everything Dredd's story is about, only without the Justice because he's a rogue living under the thumb of a cruel Tsar who only just reintroduced slavery to a future Russia. Lurching from one crisis to the next, the "Hero of Rudinshtein" sees nothing but pain and suffering, and in heroic manner he kind of makes sure that the innocents stay out of danger, while those who would violate that innocence get exactly what they deserve. It's old fashioned swashbuckling, Errol Flynn style, only without the homosexuality. And it works. Nikolai's someone you'd want to fight and die alongside, because you know he'd mourn your passing. And when it's his turn, you just know he'll die spectacularly.
Strontium Dog works for me. I love the way they stick together, Johnny Alpha and Wulf Sternhammer - a British mutant and a Viking out of time, bounty hunters across the galaxy. John Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra like to play this story for laughs, coming up with stupid names for the villains, the mutants and the worlds Alpha and Sternhammer visit. But the story works. Both Wulf and Johnny have actually died - but as far as 2000AD's continuity goes, those stories of them dying are actually apocryphal, a telling of their legend. The stories you see in the current 2000AD are the official reality.
And then there's Spider-Man. The clone story. Ben Reilly. Peter Parker. A story told, over and bloody over again. A born loser, a family suffering relentless financial woes and all manner of problems, lurching from one crisis to the next, always always getting stiffed at the end. Loser, loser, loser. I fucking hate this story - not because it never seems to end: they never cut this guy a break, stretching the story past the credibility breaking point to make sure this bum ends up more out of pocket than ever - but because they keep retelling his fucking origins, over and over and over.
I already know how he got his powers. I know he's a geek in a stratified, mechanised microcosmic society echoing the greater society of the USA OF THE 1950S.
But even geeks turn into Bill Gateses. And trust me, this nonce has had a billion opportunities to change his life, walk out of his cloying incestuous relationship with his ageing aunt (fercrissakes, think of "Uncle Ben" as his real Dad, and "Auntie May" as the tart Ben ran off with, leaving his real mother out there. Would you want to stick around then?)
He's had them ... and he's let them go, just because someone wrote a Prime Directive in the character's bible: "THOU SHALT NOT GIVE THIS USELESS MOFO AN EVEN BREAK, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO PULL IN A DEUS EX MACHINA TO STOP HIM ACTUALLY GETTING OUT OF THE SHITHOLE HIS LIFE IS!"
He's a character who never changes, because he was designed not to change. And those few times they did try and change him, it's backfired in a big way on them.
So no. This is why I can never get into Spider-Man. Stan Lee and Steve Ditko should have just stuck to doing what everyone else was doing: writing stories about the hero in a costume just going out and kicking bad guy arse. We don't fucking care about his home life. Far as I'm concerned, the hero shouldn't have a home life.
And certainly not the abusive victim's home life he currently has.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-18 09:26 am (UTC)I really do think the Ultimate Marvel universe is the one to read these days purely because of their approach which is not having to keep the status quo all the time.
For instance look at the approach taken in that series with Green Goblin, how spiderman got his powers and of course the Venom symbiot. Compared to the canon it's far more interesting.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-18 12:30 pm (UTC)anyway, im digressing.
i tend to read the elseworld stuff that DC bring out and the alternate worlds stuff from marvel.
notible graphic novels include:
Marvel Zombies (only people with metahuman genes can become zombies, but they hunger for human flesh. freakin awsome)
Supermans metropolis (like the classic silent movie, re worked with kal el as the protagonist) very well done that one.
Batmans nosferatu (i havnt read this one, or wonder woman blue amazon they are all supposed to be part of a triolgy)
Superman: True Brit (john cleese wrote this one, its very good)
my favorite though is gotham by gaslight (Steampunk batman FTW)
and i just stay away from the main storyline stuff, because it gets repetitive and dull.