fiat_knox | I'm strongly thinking of going friendslocked

Some days, I can't seem to move, or speak, or even think without pissing off someone. But up until this point, I have never considered thinking of locking down this blog to friends only.

When I write something, this is how I feel inside about the thing I am writing about. If someone is behaving like a dick, I tell people on my blog that such-and-such is behaving like a dick. If I believe that a whole country full of people are behaving like dicks, I state this and all.

Actually, there are days when I think to myself "To blazes with evolution. Fuck the whole damned human species to extinction!" - and those are the days that I get trolled by people who seem to take it personally that I just wished that all their dreams should come undone.

But I have never been afraid to put something up on my blog for fear that it would cost me my f'list. Otherwise, I'd have nothing to say - and my f'list would just dissolve anyway.

I have a friends only filter on my blog. In fact, I have several different filters, for various circles. For a year, I can't recall actually writing anything on or in any of those filters. Everything that I have written has been out here in the open for all of you to see. And I mean all of you. Not necessarily because I want you all to see it, but sometimes because I want myself to remember it later on.

I'm sorry if some of the words I have said in my previous post have pissed some of you off, and I would be really sorry if you unfriended me as a result. But you'll note that the very worst things you have said to me, the harshest criticisms, I have left on my blog for me to come back to, when I get too full of myself.

I don't shy away from my own words. Or those of others. I'm only trying to figure out where I put a foot wrong, so I can refine my dance steps later.

It doesn't stop me wanting to dance, and it won't stop me wanting to try out some risky dance move I am trying to invent.

Sure, I can be arrogant, egotistical, jaded, judgmental, ambitious and opportunistic. But bear in mind that I'm also creative. I'm unflinching. I am not easily surprised. As much as I crave attention, I also pay attention.

And that I am aware that I am most of all unique, and like any snowflake I am mortal and doomed to melt away into nothing some day soon, just like so many people I know who have already discovered what lies beyond The Grey Door.

And if you all knew this simple fact, could face the simple fact that we're all dying and we've got to stop chasing after life and just live, you'd all be creative and unique, too. Even if it does mean getting on people's nerves.